30 "Leaps"

Hello 2014 (albeit a little late ) and hello to anyone who might read this!

I thought I had fallen off the face of the earth in the blog world, but I've decided to make a come back and to try my hand(s) again at this whole blog thing. ;)

Something I've realized about myself over the last year or so is that I really do have a whole lot I want to do with my life ( inward) and in my life (outward). I have a lot of desires, goals, and unfulfilled dreams. And with 30 lurking around the corner, I'm not getting any younger so I'd better get on them now! Ha! (so dramatic, I know. ;) ) But basically, I just don't want to hit 5 years from now and say "I really wish I had done (fill in the blank) or gone to (fill in the blank) or learned about (fill in the blank), etc. and here it is 5 years later and I haven't really done much in the last 5 years." I want to be more than I am. Not because I'm not perfectly content with where I am (sometimes I'm a little too comfortable) but because I know that God wants me to be more. Not in a "He expects more out of me and if I don't do something about it He's going to be disappointed in me" sort of way..but in a "I think God might want me to trust Him more, and take some leaps of faith". A lot of times I can allow fears or laziness to hold me back, and I don't want those two to define me. I'm hoping that my life will be defined by my faith in God and His love for me extended to others. That is my desire anyway!

Sooo....

Back to blogging. ;) I thought it would make sense to start blogging again and write a list (of sorts) of areas I want to improve in and things I'd like to do/be/shoot for. I'm hopeful that maybe writing it down publicly will force encourage me to "leap". I guess we'll see!

Okay, enough talking/writing....here it goes!

30 "Leaps":

(in no particular order)

1. Refinish a piece of furniture ( I have about 5 projects waiting for me as I write!)

2. Joyfully serve in an area of ministry in our church.

3. Help contribute to our family's income from home by using my own personal talents/gifts ( ie: a small business?).

4. Make quiet times, prayer and meditation a more regular part of my day....because I want to!

5. Be intentional with initiating with my friends (you know who you are). :)

6. Be intentional with initiating with my family (again...you know who you are).

7. Visit our missionary friends and serve with them short term in Ukraine, Indonesia, etc. (this may be a longer than 5 year goal...but maybe not!)

8. Finish writing and publish (ahhh!) a short children's book.
9. Buy our first home (that we loove!)
10. Get rid of everything in our house that we do not #1- love and #2- use. Basically, be rid of excess.
11. (Continue to) decorate our house in a way that really reflects my personality and slowly get rid of everything/switch out things I don't really like. (that'll be fun to blog about!) :)
12. Be the best involved, hands-on Mom I can be and pray for my boys daily.
13. Be the best wife ( respectful, gracious, & serving) I can be and pray for my husband daily.
14. Share my testimony with a small group. Yay- check check. :)
15. Lead a Bible study.
16. Go on a 10-year anniversary vacation with the hubby to an exotic location (without the kids...3 1/2 years to go!) ;)
17. Get "up and at 'em" earlier/become more of a morning person.
18. Familiarize myself better with technology---esp. computers and cameras. It stinks to say this--but technology is really overwhelming and intimidating for me. Hello- that's why I married a computer guy! :) But still...
19. Exercise. Plain and simple. In other words...if I'm not pregnant, I just haven't been exercising and that's not good. :(
20. Go completely green/organic (or at least as much as possible) with eating, hygiene and household products and explore more recipes to make so the transition is more manageable/budget friendly. We're about 75% there so far...
21. Have people over more. Host get-togethers, dinners, casual after-church lunches, etc. Just be more hospitable!!
22. Have another baby...or two. ;) 
23. Forgive someone I haven't...
24. Resolve a conflict with someone I haven't...
25. Take a chance with my personal appearance (but still be me)...cut my hair? Dye it? Be a little more bold with my dress? I've always pretty much played it safe there...
26. Start playing the piano again....(which would require... ;) )
27. Start putting our pictures into photo books/albums :) 
28. Get a dog for the boys! (in a few years or so) :)
29. Do something that scares me...go on a cruise? Ride in a hot air balloon? Parallel park? (haha, jk ;) )
30. Surrender my life continually to Christ! 

Well anyway..that's a start! Here's to the next 5 + years and blogging about the journey!

xo,

Gail

P.S. Do you have any future or immediate goals? What is one thing you are chomping at the bit to do but just haven't taken the "leap" yet? Do share...I'd love to know!!

In Bondage to "Stuff"?

"It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not 

be subject again to a yoke of slavery." Galatians 5:1

A couple of weeks ago Matthew was rummaging through our pantry trying to find a particular food item, only to turn around, with a look of defeat on his face and say "our pantry looks like a hoarder's!" (major insult to this neat-freak). I retrieved the item he had been looking for, but knew right then and there something had to be done....immediately. Cause you know what? He was totally right. There was a huge mound of baking ingredients in one corner that looked more like a big trash pile than something you'd want to bake a cake with, there were boxes of cereal "attacking" anyone who dared to open up the pantry door, and besides just a general lack of organization, there were way too many multiples of things....things I didn't realize I even had! 


It only took me about an hour to wipe down every shelf and re-evaluate and reorganize the pantry...and what a relief it was! Here are a few things that helped me get back on track:


*I relocated my baking "mound" to a nice galvanized pail and put it in our revolving corner cabinet for easy access. This way it was out of the pantry (creating more space) and directly under the baking area of our kitchen. Now when I want to bake something I can just pull out the pail instead of sifting through a pile in the pantry. 


*If I had multiples of things, which I did (I actually had 6 bags of brown sugar, some opened, some not and 3 containers of corn syrup! All of which I rarely use anyway!) I consolidated bags/containers as best as possible.


*If it was past the expiration date...it was a goner!


*If I knew I probably wouldn't be using it again....it was a goner!


*If it looked "iffy"....it was a goner!


*Related items were organized in the same area (canning goods with other cans, pastas & rice together, etc).


*Frequently used items were the most accessible (though everything is still very accessible).




As I was in the process of purging and cleaning, I asked myself these two questions that seemed to speed up the process..."is it adding to my life, or is it taking away from my life?" And if the answer is the latter, then how is it taking away from my life?


*My time?


*Money?


*Relationships?


I know it may sound a little too deep for a simple endeavor such as organizing the pantry, but lately I've really been thinking......what is the purpose of "stuff?" Whether it be foodstuffs, clothing, furniture, toys, home decor, etc etc....what is God's intended purpose for it all? Here in America we are blessed with so much, but at the same time, I know (at least for me) it can sometimes get a little out of hand. If I am spending twice as much time trying to find something just because I have too much, then I am in bondage to my things. If I am constantly cleaning my things, fixing my things, polishing my things, and caring for my things and have no room leftover for relationships with people and with my Lord, then I am in bondage to my things. If I let my things define me (whether to have too much or too little or not the latest and greatest), I am in bondage to my things. If I am making excuses after excuses for reasons why I can't do important things in life (like relationships!) because of my things, then I am in bondage to my things. If I am too protective of my things and am unwilling to let them be used in appropriate ways to bless others, then I am in bondage to my things. The list goes on. 


There is a time and place for everything.....and if there isn't...then something has to go.  For me, I want the things I do own to "add" to my life, and not take away from it. If we live in a small house for the rest of our lives, I want to be okay with that and "live within our means" and use our things to bless others. And should we live in a big house some day, I don't want that to be an excuse to just accumulate....accumulate. 


The answer to these questions will look differently for everyone....there are a million personalities out there and God want to use us all in  different ways. I am certainly not saying just because you've been blessed with much means you have to go and throw it all away. Only you know your limits. And I'm not saying all I have it all figured out either (quite the contrary....you should see our garage!). But if you were to ask yourself these questions too, how would you answer them? Are you in bondage to your stuff? If anything it's certainly good food for thought...I know has been for me! 


xo,
Gail

To My Unborn Baby...

Inhale.


I mustered up the courage to take a test. Nobody knew but me & God. And as I waited for the results I think, "this is too soon! If this turns out positive, then this is just too soon! I'm not ready to have another....to be the mother of 2....am I? God, what are you doing?" 


Exhale.


I look down...it's positive. My stomach jumps into my throat and I feel all anxious and nervous. I live in self-denial for awhile then decide to go back to making dinner and just sort out my feelings and all the while thinking, "this can't be...it just can't be!!"




I tell your big brother, he won't tell....he's only nearly one. But I needed to tell someone!! I waited a little while....a day and a half to be exact...and then I tell your Daddy. Well, your big brother did with a little help from a note attached to his back that read, "I'm going to be a big brother!" Daddy is elated. :) We embrace and share looks of "are we ready to do this again?" all the while knowing....yes, WE ARE. 


This is God's plan.


God's surprise!


God's gift. 




We head out immediately, big brother in tow, and head straight to Sonic. We share a Sonic Blast and start talking details. Details of you. Details of you and big brother. Details of US....a family of 4.

~~~~~~~~

A couple of weeks go by. All is well. I take my vitamins every day...I exercise, eat well, and take care of big brother & Daddy. Daddy carries in all the heavy grocery bags...and I take a nap every afternoon. You make me so tired! But I'm glad, cause I'm your Momma...and I get to take care of you.


We share the news with family and friends. Everyone is so excited! Stories of siblings born close together are shared, advice given, hugs & grins received and passed around. All is well. All is happy. All is good. 

~~~~~~~~

We start planning. We make out a budget for what you might need. Our minds are focused on the future. We talk about where we will live. We talk about you and big brother and the great friends you will be. We talk about you...all the time. I think of you, all the time. Every choice I make is with you in mind. I think, "I can't have that, I can do that, I can't do that, I can have that....." and it's all a joy, because it's all for you. 

~~~~~~~~

10 weeks. 

Inhale, heavy exhale.

"What's the matter?" I notice some signs. A sign that things might not be going as planned, that you might be having some trouble. I cry.

Your Grammy takes me in for a last-minute appointment. All seems fine. All is explainable. All seems well. But I am not. My heart's a-flutter, my look solemn, my eyes off in a different world. Something does not seem right.

I take blood tests...several times. The results are not good....they are whispers that something is not right. I cry again. And again. 

I feel I am losing you. I feel you are going....but I don't lose hope....I NEVER lose hope. My heart won't allow it. Daddy won't allow it either. He is a pillar of strength and encourages me to never lose heart. He never does...he always believed in you. Always.

~~~~~~~~

10 weeks, 6 days. 

We go in for an ultrasound to see if we can see you....to see how you are. Our hearts are heavy. A million thoughts and scenarios go through my mind...but I try and push them out...holding out for hope. HOPE. 

I lay on the table while the sonographer puts cold jelly on my tummy so we can see you. I don't mind, I just want to see you. My heart pounds so loud I am certain everyone can hear. Daddy holds big brother close by. We wait.

We see you. You're so tiny...but you're there. Daddy says he can see your tiny arms and legs. I see them too. Still, the news is not good.....she can't find your heartbeat. She tries again....Nothing. My worst fears are confirmed and I look across at your Daddy. My heart weeps. 

The sonographer leaves the room and I sob. Daddy holds me close and I sob and sob and sob.

They say there is no charge. I frown. :( Like a walking zombie I find my belongings and we walk to the car....then I cry aloud. I am angry! Why!!!??? Why did this have to happen! There are people out there who are aborting their babies and I want mine and can't have it!! I feel like spitting in someone's face! I want someone to feel my pain...to be mad a the world...to slap someone who would dare to hurt a baby. I am angry! 

Daddy sees that I am on the verge of doing something irrational and directs me to sit down in the car. I sit. I cry, and I sit. 

My thoughts turn to numb as we head to see our midwife. I sit quietly. I stare off. I am very quiet. Daddy wants me to talk to him, but I am all out of words for the moment. I am still. Grave, and still.

We talk to the midwife. There is nothing to be done. She prepares me for the days ahead...tells me what I might experience, and I am sent home to wait for a miscarriage. There's no life, they say. It's all over, they say....and I weep.

~~~~~~~~

I never ever didn't want you. I wanted you from the moment I saw those 2 tiny little pink lines. When my mind cried "how?" my heart cried "yes!" The more I thought of you, the more I imagined our life with you. Your Daddy and I had dreams for you...dreams with you, dreams of you. It just doesn't seem real that you won't be with us.

I am still waiting for you to go...but in my heart I hope it's all a mistake and that you'll never really go. Maybe they are wrong! I feel the signs that you are going, but my heart won't allow me to go there until it's all over. 

A few days go by.

I sit quietly and place my hand on my belly. You're still in there and I think, "this is the closest I will ever get to holding you." I cry aloud...deep sobs....and my body can't contain it. I hold my belly, not wanting to let go. I feel closer to you that way. I whisper to you that all will be alright...but you don't hear me...you never will. 

A couple more days go by. 

We attend a wedding. There are lots and lots of babies there. I hear the message, I see the happy couple, I see the children playing on the grass and I think, "life is precious...each baby...each person...a miracle." I cry again but I am okay. God fills me with peace.

~~~~~~~~

I always loved you and I always will. I know where my Hope lies and in Whom. I know where you really are and that you are safe. I am still waiting for you to go, am pained each day by this slow releasing, but I am okay....cause I know you're okay. You're more than okay...you're in Heaven.

I love you always my Sweet Baby.

Love,

Your Mommy

Love Never Fails

The greatest......is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13

Praying 1 Corinthians 13:1-8

Heavenly Father, today remind me from Your Word about the most excellent way of love. 

     If I gurgle and coo and engage my baby in unintelligible conversation but don't love this precious child, then I am only a silly, baby-doting woman (v. 1).

     If I know everything about child raising and am looked up to as an "expert" but don't parent with love, then all my knowledge is good for nothing (v. 2).

     If I made all kinds of sacrifices for my child but do so out of selfish motives rather than out of God-directed love, then I will gain nothing (v. 3).

     Love is patient with babies who won't burp, and it is kind to babies who accidentally bite at breasts. It doesn't envy Mrs. Smith's baby or take too much pride in my baby's attempts to walk at nine months (v. 4).

     Love doesn't ignore my baby's cries for help, isn't angered by lost binkies, and doesn't keep track of silk blouses destroyed by spit-up (v. 5). It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres- even through the toughest days and nights (v. 7). 

     Where there are experts, they will change their opinions; where there are many words, they will run out; where there is certainty, it will rise to doubts. But love...love never fails (v. 8)!

     Thank you, Lord of love. Teach me this most excellent way. 

     I pray in Your name. Amen. 

The above was taken entirely from this wonderful book that my

Mother gave me first my first mother's day:

     I hope you were encouraged by this beautiful adaptation of the Book of Love. I know I was!

Have a delightful Monday!

Gail

A Birth Story

I was being sentimental today, so I made a little video of Cole's birth that I thought I would share with you. Each stage that brought him closer to us is precious to me; memories that will be forever etched into my mind. I think as a new mother the story, our story, of how our Cole was born is so intensely personal, yet at the same time too beautiful and natural not to share. I hope you enjoy this video.

Love & life to you,

Gail

Surprised by Kindness

When our sweet Cole entered our lives, with him came a lot of stuff. It seems like our house is being taken over by baby stuff! Our living room especially....it's now home to a baby swing, toys, books, and baby bouncy jumper, to name a few. I remember thinking before we had a baby, "I am NOT going to be one of those people"....you know...the people whose homes look more like a large toy box when you walk in the front door rather than an actual home. Well....guess what?

I've succumbed.

I won't ever totally give in cause I want our home to be beautiful and appealing to me too, but I'm not going to worry about a few toys or baby things here and there....it just goes to witness that a baby does live here and we don't keep him locked up in his room all the time. Haha!

Another huge change I've had to get used to is the enormous amount of stuff I have to take with me whenever Cole and I venture out of the Toy Box. Let's see.....Baby, carseat (which by the way weighs a million lbs), pacifier (an essential), blankie, diaper bag, stroller, my purse and me! That's a lot to cart around people! I am quite a sight strolling around places or taking him in his carseat to and from a store.

With all the extra things weighing me down, it's made me really aware of how some people can be so oblivious....so unkind. Now, I know that people who are out running errands are in a hurry and aren't always aware of their surroundings (ie: a weighed down baby mama like me) and they certainly aren't out in the world just to help me out, so really...I'm not complaining, it's just an observation I've made. Serious. It's just interesting to me that some people going into a store will move right past a person with a stroller and not offer to open the double doors for them....or even wait while they open the door and juggle keeping the door open while simultaneously pulling the stroller through the door...?? (reminds me of a certain parable...). What gets me most are the young guys. Chivalrous men are a dying breed....and it's sad. Am I the only one that feels this way? I hope not. I find myself more and more surprised when I encounter kindness from others rather than surprised by disrespect. It shouldn't be that way.....

Yesterday was different though. I was on the hunt to find some jeans to fit my newly trimmed down post-pregnancy body (boo hiss...not my favorite kind of shopping trip) and had to go in and out of many stores to find "the ones". As usual, getting around took a little extra time (I now have to think like a handicapped person when I use the stroller), but I was getting along fine. At one time when I was approaching a door and fully prepared to do the juggling act, I heard someone running (yes running) behind me to help me by opening the door so I could pass through with the stroller. Fully expecting it to be an older man or woman, I was surprised to see that it was a young guy who appeared to be in his late teenage or early college years. It totally caught me off guard because it was so obvious that he was making the effort to help me. I mean c'mon....he was running! It really warmed my heart, too. So maybe chivalry isn't dead?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Lord,

Give me the strength to be an example of someone who is living in Your Spirit by showing kindness to others too...a fruit that can only truly come from living in You. I too often am too busy or distracted as well to see that others are in need. Encourage me to give grace to others who may not be able to extend this fruit because they do not have You living in them. And Lord, prepare me and Matthew that we might be able to raise our son(s) to first know and love You, that they might be an example of extending the fruits of Your spirit to others, too. We love you.

Amen.

Pumping with Purpose

When our sweet Cole started sleeping through the night at only 1 1/2 months, I knew I was going to have to do something about my abundant supply of mommy's morning milk. To give it all to Cole was just too much for him...and he'd end up spitting half of it up anyways. Feeding him one breast in the morning was more than enough for his little tummy. :)

So I started pumping. And pumping. And pumping. Every morning.

I was accumulating quite a freezer full of Lansinoh milk bags, and because I rarely feed him a bottle, the freezer was just getting fuller and fuller. I knew something had to be done, so I contacted our birthing instructor Linda (who is also a lactation consultant) to see if there was anything I could do to regulate my milk supply to my baby's new schedule. The answer?

No. I was doing everything right apparently...bummer. So, I guess I'd keep pumping.

What she did ask though, was had I ever thought about donating my milk? What? Who does that? What does that even mean? I started to research more about it and visited the Mother's Milk Bank of North Texas website that she had recommended. Wow. I'm so glad I did. What I found was that healthy mothers like me who were lactating well could donate their extra milk to the milk bank to help critically ill and premature infants in the NICU in area hospitals. Formula is too harsh of a substance to give them because of their fragile state, so human milk is the best for them. Sooo cool. Isn't God awesome? For one reason or another, their own mothers are unable to supply them with their milk (their milk hasn't come in yet, etc) , so donations become invaluable.

Jump ahead about a month (after applying to be a donor mother and having the routine blood tests required before donating) and I am officially a donor mother. I know the concept sounds weird for some people, but for me, it's so rewarding to know that I'm helping other mothers out there nurture their own sweet babies with the blessing of abundant milk that God has given me. My own dear baby is well fed and doing remarkable...and if what I have helps other babies get there too....then that's nothing short of awesome. Only God could have thought of something as cool as this....and in the end, it's His milk anyway. ;)

So yesterday, I packed Cole and my cooler full of 100+ oz. of breastmilk bags in the car and headed to one of the donation drop off sites. On my way out of the donation center, I had a huge smile on my heart. I could have hugged someone walking by! I don't get paid to do this monetarily...but the rewards are great. God has given me life so that I could supply life to someone else. Ahhh.....sigh....(huge smile). :)

And now for some pictures of our own sweet baby....

Love & Blessings,

Gail

A Day {Home} with Baby

Yesterday Cole and I spent the day at the home I grew up in, surrounded by my parents (Grammy & Papa to him), my delightful sisters and brother, and some very adoring cousins. It was such a wonderful day.

I love everything about the home I grew up in...the smells...the rich, country colors...my mom's homemade quilts....the redbud trees lining the driveway....the fruit orchard......Dad's immaculate garage....and the big kitchen where everything happens.

It's such a peaceful place to go back to. I always love visiting because immediately I feel at home. Annie, our Golden Retriever, is always the first one to greet me. I love that....and someday Matthew and I would like to have a dog for our kids. They're just something about growing up in a house with a dog...

My sister Greta now occupies the room that used to be mine. As soon as I walk through the door I am at once flooded with all the wonderful memories of that room. I grew up playing with my American girl doll Samantha in there (or any dollies for that matter....little dollhouse people and paper dolls, too! I was such a girlie girl...still am ;p). It was my first "big girl" room, and it was all mine. :) I had sleepovers in that room, hid under the covers during thunderstorms in that room, and had my first looooong conversation with my future husband in that room.

In a way, that house will always feel like home. Maybe it's because Matthew and I have only rented thus far that our houses have never truly felt like our home. We're big dreamers though...and someday we hope to be able to stay in one place, fix up a house, and make it a home for our children. Oh how I long for that day....

In the meantime though...it's good for me to be thankful for where the Lord has us right now....and I do love where we are. We've been very blessed...oh so blessed. And if I should ever complain, I ought to be slapped in the face for my ungrateful heart.

I once heard someone say, "home is where you feel loved".

I couldn't say it better myself. I'm very blessed to have a husband that loves and cherishes me....a son that makes each day special....and a loving family that I will always love going back to. So, while I may still dream about a day when Matthew and I will be in our own home...right now....I've got everything I could ever want.

Love & warmth,

Gail

A Love That Hurts

It happened.

I thought it had already happened, but I had only just tasted it. Just a morsel.

What I'm referring to is the point in which I'm sure every mother comes to when your heart just absolutely aches with love for your child.

A love so strong it hurts.

I was standing over the kitchen sink washing dishes and Matt was on the bar behind the sink holding Cole. He (Cole) was in such a cheerful mood and was giving us the sweetest coos and smiles.

My heart melted, the tears came, and all at once I was experiencing the richest joy, yet most intense pain ever. It's the kind of feeling you get when you know you're all in, there's no going back, but you also know that you're totally in the Lord's hands with where the future should take you.

Simply put, I know that when you love someone deeply you run the risk of getting your heart broken....cause in an instant God could call it quits on their life. But you know what?

That's a risk I'm willing to take.

Love deeply today.

Gail

My Heavy, very FULL Heart

Today I remembered why people use the phrase "heavy heart".

When you love someone so much that you would do anything for them....your heart literally feels like a million pounds....and if you were to cough at that moment, it could quite possibly burst out of your chest. It's that heaviness of heart that reminds me why life is so sweet and fragile...and what's really important.

It's also very scary. I've always known I'm a deeply emotional person. The love that I feel for those who are important to me is intense... and although I don't always know how to express it in the best way....I know that if I ever were to lose them, I'd lose a little part of me, too.

Over the next month I promised to do a mini-series on love....and it just wouldn't be right if I didn't first speak of the man that has truly won my heart over.

My husband, Matthew, isn't just someone I share the bills & my bed with....he's my absolute best friend. He's someone I trust 100 % and has my best interests at heart. He works incredibly hard to provide for us, makes me laugh like you wouldn't believe.....we're talking giggly little girl laugh.....and I know I in turn can totally be who I am with him and he'll accept me no matter what. He knows what cheers me up... Just today he brought me home some beautiful red tulips because he knew I had a hard day....and he knows when to sit still and just listen to me. I am who I am with him...and he knows me deeply. I love that.

I'm so glad you're my Valentine, Matthew.......and my heart is very FULL & heavy with love for you.

P.S. What person(s) in your life makes your heart especially puff & swell up with love?

xoxo,

Gail

An Itch for a Niche

Hear the jeopardy music? Yeah, I'm hearing it too. So... for the past few weeks I have been without a job (after the sweet, old lady I was a care-giver for passed away) and I've had a lot of time on my hands to think.....to reprioritize, and to pray & ask God what HE might be leading me to do from this time forward...

I'm trying to rediscover my passions in life....

...to find my place in the world. My niche. My loves...

..and to put it lightly....

I haven't had the easiest time. {narrowing it down, that is!}

You see, my problem has always been that there's way too much I enjoy doing....I have too many interests!

I love floral design...

...like this beautiful bouquet made of green cymbidium orchids & creamy roses I fashioned for a bride last year....I just love the way this wedding turned out. :) So fun!

....but I also love decorating & creating....

....like when I made this wreath using pages from a Dollar Tree book that I "antiqued" to make it look old.

Oh, and did I mention I like antiques? Not only do I love them in our home....but I've always thought it would be fun to be one of those people that runs estate sales....telling stories about old pieces and making people happy as they leave with a treasured item :)....

{Photo courtesy: here}

{Photo courtesy: here}

Okay, so maybe not the last photo exactly....but seriously.....I love old stuff! I have my Mom to thank for that! (Wait, that sounded funny)...what I'm trying to say is....oh never mind. You know what I mean!

BUT I love writing, too. I'm no pro...but I've always wanted to write children's books...but figured that would come later when I have my own kids as inspiration. I've started a couple...just haven't finished them...

...I'd put an excerpt in here....but then you might steal it, and then where would we be? ;)

I also love health & nutrition. I think if I ever went back to school, I'd definitely go for that...it's so interesting! I love learning about what God has made for us here on earth to help restore & heal our bodies naturally...and most importantly...preventitive health so we don't have to get sick! That's the real kicker....

{Photo courtesy: here}

...but then what if I want to throw the occasional cheeseburger in there? (That's my Dad's word for anything that tastes really good...but isn't that good for you). I may not feel like I could if I had an "official" title or something...so never mind. Better keep that a hobby. :)

Then there's cooking...caring for people...interior design....art....etc. etc. They aren't very cohesive are they?

So...the question still remains- what am I suppose to do?

God?

xoxo,

Gail

{Consistency}

This past week Alice, the dear lady I cared for, passed away.

She was a special lady. I'll miss her and will always cherish the memories I had with her.

She would make me laugh with her funny sayings, her New Orleans accent, and unique outlook on life. She used to always say, "laugh and the world laughs with you...cry and you cry alone."

I think Alice had a lot of sadness in her life. I think she felt very alone. I know she did. She didn't like to talk about her feelings that much, but occasionally I got a sneak peek into what she was dealing with........

She would talk to me......

...and I would listen.

I never felt like I had done enough for this lady. There was always something more I wanted or wished I could do for her, to make her life brighter...and her sadness go away. But at her funeral service I heard something that encouraged my heart....that made me think, "maybe I did make a difference"....

When her son got up to speak about his Mother, he spoke about the lady she had been, the people she had touched....and interestingly enough....the people who had touched her.

When people die we often ask, "did I do enough...did I tell them I loved them enough....hug them enough....listen to them."

I know I'll never feel like I did everything I could have ever done for her....but this past Monday made me realize that I did do something. Every flower arrangement, lunch or dinner outing, shopping trip, conversation, kind word, shower given, dry cleaning errand....it was something....and more importantly.....

It was consistent.

A few weeks ago I had decided I was going to leave my job with Alice at Caruth Haven Court to pursue my floral designing. I was only working 2 hours a day, 3 times a week...and I needed to be working a little more.

Then she passed away. And you know what? After being with her for two years....

I'm glad I never had to tell her I wasn't going to be seeing her on a weekly basis....

I'm glad I was a constant in her life and that she knew I was going to be there for her....

I'm glad I never got to say goodbye.

When her son stood up and spoke about how I had influenced his mother by my consistency, I felt humbled, and it made me realize how much we all need consistency. We need people in our lives that will always love and be there for us no matter what, we need people that are consistently prodding and pursuing us, digging deeper than the surface, and seeing our hearts. Consistency brings security, and although Jesus Christ is the One who brings true security, I firmly believe He uses believers to meet one another's needs.

We see what happens when there is a lack of consistency in a people's lives:

*Children whose parents leave them end up with lowers self esteem and insecurity as adults....

*People who move around a lot from place to place end up feeling restless and without having a sense of "home"....

*People whose friends come and go tend to feel disengaged, scared of closeness, and alone....

*Children (or adults) who get mixed messages from peers, parents or spouses (I love you, BUT...) may end up struggling with their identity and feel insecure....

*People who do not have somewhat of a daily schedule (children especially) will feel bewildered, chaotic, insecure, and inharmonious.

And on and on it goes.

We all need consistency. Yes, Jesus Christ is the Meeter of all needs....but how might he be wanting to use you (and live through you) in someone's life to meet this need?

How are YOU consistent?

xoxo,

Gail

Skitsofrenic Holiday?

Weird title? I know. I thought so too.

These words in conjunction passed from my lips the other day while I was pulling out the Christmas decorations. I was trying to reconcile why I was feeling so "blah" about decorating our house for the holidays. But I love Christmas! Why was I so down?

Maybe it's because I was doing it alone....

Maybe it's because I had hoped to be expecting this Christmas and it was settling in that I wasn't...

Maybe it's because I'm not a little girl anymore (I was last year, right? *wink*) and the magic was gone...

OR maybe....

Maybe it was something completely different. Okay, it was.

Do you ever feel like Christmas has a "split personality"? There's the festive side of Christmas tugging you one way....like decorating, ice skating, baking, Christmas partying, gift-giving, tree-trimming, music listening, Christmas light viewing, Secret Santa-ing, shopping, cookie icing, the eggnog-ing...and on and on and on. What is this? Is this Christmas???

NO. Not exactly.

Then there's this entirely other side of Christmas that we as Believers all know...it's the solemn side of Christmas that focuses on the birth of Christ. Around the holidays this shows it's face as singing Christmas carols in church, reading Luke 2 around the Christmas tree as a family, reaching out to someone in need, displaying a manger creche, reaching out to neighbors, or performing in a Christmas pageant. All good things. But is this Christmas?

NO. Not exactly either.

As I was decorating I was trying to bring both worlds together....trying to bring the JOY & MAGIC of the festive Christmas together with the solemn and peaceful Christmas, and it wasn't working for me. I wanted to feel magical and spiritual all in one...and I was failing. Key word: I. (remember that).

So what did I do? I went to the source I knew would bring immediate perspective and logic to the situation: MATTHEW. Isn't that what husbands are for? ;)

I told him what I was feeling, and within minutes I knew my problem. Thanks, Hun! He made me realize that yes, Christmas is a holiday where families get together and do fun things and yes...Christmas is a time to remember and celebrate the birth & LIFE of Christ our Saviour. But it's more than that. The only way to reconcile both "personalities" of Christmas was to go right to the One who brings all things together. (right after Matt in this case).

You see, I was trying to feel something or be something on my own. I was trying to conjure up magical "sugar plum" moments while at the same time being an adult and wanting to "bring Christ into Christmas"...after all, He's the Reason for the Season, right? I had forgotten that Christ in me could mean any number of things. Why is it so hard to remember that "bringing Christ into Christmas" doesn't mean ME DOING things? All it means is to let Christ live through me...and if HE wants to bake cookies, then let's bake cookies! Or if HE wants to decorate the house, then let's decorate the house! Or if HE wants to sing carols, trim the tree, have a party with friends, then that's what it shall be! We make it it so hard when really.....

It's sorta easy.

It's nice to read Luke 2 as a family....it's kind to reach out to people in need....or do good deeds...or give to Salvation Army.....

But if this is YOUR Christmas....you're missing the out on the whole picture.....

Anybody can read, or give, or say the right things.....but their motive are all wrong. They may just be going through the motions cause it "feels right".

So what is Christmas???

It's like any other day....it's Christ in YOU.....doing what He prods and leads you to do...

(with a little tinsel on top!) ;)

xoxo,

Gail

P.S._Matthew and I are going to pick out a tree today, and Christ in me is going to love it!

Never Assume

We've all heard it said and we've said it ourselves...

We've written it in notes....

We've left messages on the phone about it....

It wasn't until recently that this thing, or phrase really, started me thinking. And thinking hard.

Okay, so what am I talking about, you say?

I'm talking about the phrase, "if you need anything, just let me know."

Like when you hear that a friend isn't feeling too well. Maybe they just broke up with their boyfriend, or maybe they just had a bad day. You may call them and tell 'em you're thinking about them and that you'll pray for them...but what does the conversation end with?

"if you need anything, just let me know."

Or maybe you hear that someone dear is in the hospital and isn't doing too well. You call them and tell them you're thinking about them...and of course...

"if you need anything, just let me know."

Or perhaps you hear that a friend is moving. You call to wish them all the happiness in their new home, but before you get off you make sure and add...

"if you need anything, just let me know."

Or or or...maybe maybe maybe....I could go on and on.

Why do we say this? WHY? Let's be honest for just a minute....

When we hear that someone is having a bad day, hurting in the hospital, moving...or whatever it may be..........

We know in our heart of hearts exactly what they need. Why? Because God made us that way. He made us to be perceptive and relational people.

And we KNOW that if we were in their place, we'd want it too.

Honestly....is someone who is having a bad day going to call you and say, "can you come over? I just need a hug and someone to cry with."

Is someone in the hospital going to say, "come visit me! I need encouragement today because I feel like my whole world is crashing in."

Is someone that that is moving going to say, "come help me move, please? Lift heavy boxes to and from a van until you're sweating like a pig...."

Well maybe they will! BUT...the point is.......

Nobody likes having to ask. And nobody should. Not really.

When someone tells you their having a bad day.....ppssstt......little hint....

they ARE asking for help.

Now I know we're not all super-humans and can't do everything. I get that. And sometimes geographical distance prevents us from truly being there for someone on a whim. Maybe we'd all love to, but financially we just can't. I totally understand that, too. But

sittin' here at home, I bet you'll find a handful of people who are in need, and may have already "asked", only to be "thought of" or "prayed for."

Now I'm not saying that praying for people is bad. Not at all! Maybe praying is the only thing you can offer up and if it is...God bless you for it. ;) But if you have hands and feet, USE them!

I need to be reminded of this myself.....

I need to not just think or pray...but allow God to use me when He wants to and HOW He wants to. Even if it means getting off of my comfortable sofa and going to someone who is in need. Maybe just a hug. Maybe someone that needs a good talking with. Or maybe someone is happy and wants to share it!

I don't have to worry about that. God'll show me, and He'll show you, too.

Never assume that someone is going to ask you.

Maybe they just did.

What did you say?

"If a brother or sister is without clothing and in need of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Go in peace, be warmed and be filled," and yet do not give them what is necessary for {their} body, what use is that? Even so faith, if it has no works, is dead, {being} by itself. "

James 2:15-17