Friday, December 4, 2009

Skitsofrenic Holiday?

Weird title? I know. I thought so too.

These words in conjunction passed from my lips the other day while I was pulling out the Christmas decorations. I was trying to reconcile why I was feeling so "blah" about decorating our house for the holidays. But I love Christmas! Why was I so down?

Maybe it's because I was doing it alone....

Maybe it's because I had hoped to be expecting this Christmas and it was settling in that I wasn't...

Maybe it's because I'm not a little girl anymore (I was last year, right? *wink*) and the magic was gone...

OR maybe....

Maybe it was something completely different. Okay, it was.

Do you ever feel like Christmas has a "split personality"? There's the festive side of Christmas tugging you one decorating, ice skating, baking, Christmas partying, gift-giving, tree-trimming, music listening, Christmas light viewing, Secret Santa-ing, shopping, cookie icing, the eggnog-ing...and on and on and on. What is this? Is this Christmas???

NO. Not exactly.

Then there's this entirely other side of Christmas that we as Believers all's the solemn side of Christmas that focuses on the birth of Christ. Around the holidays this shows it's face as singing Christmas carols in church, reading Luke 2 around the Christmas tree as a family, reaching out to someone in need, displaying a manger creche, reaching out to neighbors, or performing in a Christmas pageant. All good things. But is this Christmas?

NO. Not exactly either.

As I was decorating I was trying to bring both worlds together....trying to bring the JOY & MAGIC of the festive Christmas together with the solemn and peaceful Christmas, and it wasn't working for me. I wanted to feel magical and spiritual all in one...and I was failing. Key word: I. (remember that).

So what did I do? I went to the source I knew would bring immediate perspective and logic to the situation: MATTHEW. Isn't that what husbands are for? ;)

I told him what I was feeling, and within minutes I knew my problem. Thanks, Hun! He made me realize that yes, Christmas is a holiday where families get together and do fun things and yes...Christmas is a time to remember and celebrate the birth & LIFE of Christ our Saviour. But it's more than that. The only way to reconcile both "personalities" of Christmas was to go right to the One who brings all things together. (right after Matt in this case).

You see, I was trying to feel something or be something on my own. I was trying to conjure up magical "sugar plum" moments while at the same time being an adult and wanting to "bring Christ into Christmas"...after all, He's the Reason for the Season, right? I had forgotten that Christ in me could mean any number of things. Why is it so hard to remember that "bringing Christ into Christmas" doesn't mean ME DOING things? All it means is to let Christ live through me...and if HE wants to bake cookies, then let's bake cookies! Or if HE wants to decorate the house, then let's decorate the house! Or if HE wants to sing carols, trim the tree, have a party with friends, then that's what it shall be! We make it it so hard when really.....

It's sorta easy.

It's nice to read Luke 2 as a's kind to reach out to people in need....or do good deeds...or give to Salvation Army.....

But if this is YOUR're missing the out on the whole picture.....

Anybody can read, or give, or say the right things.....but their motive are all wrong. They may just be going through the motions cause it "feels right".

So what is Christmas???

It's like any other's Christ in YOU.....doing what He prods and leads you to do...

(with a little tinsel on top!) ;)



P.S._Matthew and I are going to pick out a tree today, and Christ in me is going to love it!

1 comment:

Grace said...

Nice sorta threw me off at first, but then after reading your post it totally makes sense. I can relate to wanting the magic to still be in Christmas but wanting it to have real meaning at the same time. Sometimes I still actually feel like a kid again at Christmastime...especially when we stay over at Mom and Dads or go to Christmas Eve at Grandma's...there is just something about doing things...even if it's the "same ol' same ol"...with family during the Christmas season. It's good to gain perspective though and to realize what this whole holiday season is all about, which is what you're doing! I hope that you and Matthew had fun picking out a tree. I love you so much, and if you ever want to talk over any of the emotions you're going through at any time just give me a ring!

Blessings, Grace